“Oftentimes people of color are asked to educate white people on issues that the person of color has lived with and thought about for their entire lives. That can be very psychologically and emotionally exhausting for a person to then have to care about the white person’s feelings and to take those extra efforts so that they can learn something that they should have — and could have — learned throughout the duration of their life.”
–Kevin Nadal, Microaggressions are a big deal: How to talk them out and when to walk away
Talking about race is hard. All of us have a race and a relationship to how race has shaped our lives. And, for many people who experience discrimination due to their race, their race is something they think about every day, in every interaction, and in every memory. Because of this, , it can take extra energy and effort talking about race at all and particularly with a White person who may not relate, who may doubt, or who may cause hurt during a conversation about race. The effort of constantly navigating race for BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) communities can be emotionally exhausting and yet, the responsibility of education continues to fall on BIPOC communities. So, what can White people do in conversations around race?
Consider that talking about race is like any activity – if you’re not experienced in it, you might not be comfortable in that space right away. For example, if your friend has been a marathon runner for more than a decade and you are new to running, you probably wouldn’t set out to run 10 miles with them on day 1. You would probably do a little learning on your own, spend some time stretching, and doing a few short runs to see how it feels. You might find that this new activity is a little uncomfortable and maybe outside of what you’re used to. Talking about race and racism may be difficult at first, but with practice and persistence you can find your stride.
Dr. Robin DiAngelo, a White woman, author, researcher, and professor, uses a term, White fragility, to describe a state of being for White people in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves can include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation. These behaviors can shut down conversations and turn White people off from engaging in conversations about race.
During times when you are in these conversations, take time to notice how you’re feeling. Are you feeling hurt? Are you feeling vulnerable? Are you feeling sad? How do those feelings show up in your body (heart racing, sweaty palms, a stomachache)? All of us have an experience of race but some of us have had more practice thinking and talking about it. If you are a Black, Indigenous, or other Person of Color, know that it’s important to set boundaries and it’s ok to pause or say no to engaging in these conversations. If you are White, know that the goal is for each of us to reflect on our experiences, to be curious about how racism has impacted people in our communities, and to find opportunities to learn and act in ways that recognizes our shared humanity. It’s absolutely okay to be uncomfortable; in fact being uncomfortable is a space in which we learn best.
Today’s Challenge
Read
- Review this list of 28 common racist attitudes and behaviors that indicate a detour or wrong turn into guilt, denial, or defensiveness. (10 mins) 28 Common Racist Attitudes and Behaviors
- Non-Black People of Color Need to Start Having Conversations About the Anti-Blackness in Our Communities by Sharon Park. (4 mins) https://www.dosomething.org/us/articles/our-role-as-non-black-people-of-color-in-disrupting-racism
Watch
- Author Renni Eddo-Lodge explains what happens when she tries to talk about race with White people. (3:26) https://www.pbs.org/newshour/brief/235136/renni-eddo-lodge
Engage
- Battle Creek- Truth, Racial Healing, and Transformation https://www.bctrht.org/
- Jackson- Racial Equity Commission https://www.cityofjackson.org/980/Racial-Equity-Commission
- Kalamazoo- Michigan Transformation Collective https://mitransformation.org/
- Lansing- Truth, Racial Healing, and Transformation https://www.oneloveglobal.org/trht
Discuss
- What supports do you already have to sustain yourself in the work of talking about race and racism?
- What supports can you continue to build?
- In what ways are conversations around race and racism difficult for you? Why might that be?